Assertiveness: 6 techniques to remain assertive in all circumstances
Assertiveness is a quality that is highly sought after in business. Whether it's when it comes to resolving a conflict or deciding a decision, being assertive allows you to remain firm in your beliefs, while remaining flexible in form. Be careful, being assertive (or being assertive) does not mean achieving your goals at all costs but rather being in a position of active listening while giving yourself the opportunity to present your point of view. Assertiveness is a delicate art to master, which is why it is very often a priority area of development addressed during professional coaching sessions.
Discover in video 6 techniques to remain assertive in all circumstances:
Assertiveness: definition
The word “assertiveness” comes from the English term “assertiveness.” It refers to the ability to express your ideas, opinions, and get your messages across while remaining flexible, agile, attentive and adaptable to your interlocutor (s). If we had to summarize the concept of assertiveness, we would say that it's about daring to assert yourself while maintaining positive relationships with your environment. It means being in an authentic process of sharing your points of view while really listening to those of your interlocutor, in a parity, neither dominant, nor inferior position, in a real concern for sharing and building together. While remaining aware that it is not always possible to find common ground but that you really want it.
To put it more concretely, be assertive if you know how to:
- Defend your point of view without attacking other people
- Express your feelings freely (joy, disappointment, frustration, anxiety...)
- Establish relationships based on trust (not domination or manipulation).
Are you assertive? Evaluate your assertiveness for free with our 5-minute assessment!
In what situations is being assertive particularly useful?
In negotiation, assertiveness is particularly useful in situations of tension:
- When you have to push back on a strong demand
- When to break “bad news”
- When to ask for something that is likely to be refused
- When to confront an aggressive negotiator
- When you have to deal with a manipulator...
What behaviors are not assertive?
When things are going well, it's not hard to stay assertive. To know if you are really assertive, you have to face difficult situations, stressful situations as stated above. Faced with such situations, we identified 3 ways to behave that are not assertive:
Aggressiveness:
When we shout, when we get upset, when we lose our cool, we are anything but assertive.
The flight/the passivity:
In order to preserve the relationship we tend to crush each other, to ignore what we really think.
Manipulation:
Refers to sometimes being friendly, sometimes being very firm. The problem is that the person in front of you will never really know what to expect.
The challenge when you want to develop your assertiveness is therefore to be neither passive nor manipulative, but assertive.
Let's see how together!
Assertiveness: the 6 techniques to remain assertive in all circumstances.
Be clear about the messages you want to get across:
What are your beliefs? What are the main ideas of your message?
Reassure your interlocutor:
Explain to your interlocutor your desire to find a common solution.
Listen to your interlocutor:
Rephrase what your interlocutor says to establish a real dialogue between your ideas: your beliefs, your strong messages, and those of your interlocutor. The objective: to show your interlocutor your desire to understand and integrate their point of view.
Be ready to change your mind:
Assertiveness does not rhyme with “never make mistakes.” You must also be able to say “In the end you are right, let's see how we can, with your ideas and your proposals that convinced me, build new solutions. The absence of assertiveness often goes hand in hand with the refusal to be wrong, the refusal of criticism and feedback.
Remain attentive to your emotions and those of others:
The objective is first to understand what our emotions want to tell us about our needs, our request to the other. Do not forget to ask the person about their feelings, especially if you feel that the person is uncomfortable. Indeed, beyond the dialogues, there are often misunderstandings and conflicting difficulties that are little or not expressed. By taking an interest in the person's feelings you will see what is expressed in the non-verbal way.
“What are the origins of our emotions? ”
Avoid the “you, you, you”
To be assertive in all circumstances, one of the keys is to avoid the “you” by giving priority to the “I”. When you say “you,” you're wrong. We call that the “you” who kills. Instead, say: “This is what I think and what do you think? ”.
Assertiveness is the story of a lifetime. Sometimes we are all in a difficult situation attracted by one of our “crutches”. Whether it's the “aggressiveness” crutch, the “escape/passivity” crutch, or the “manipulation” crutch. The first thing we need to do to develop our assertiveness is to find our crutch so that we can let go of it when it comes to us. The second thing is to be kind to yourself and to tell yourself that developing your assertiveness takes time. Being assertive is not something that is innate, except for a very small number of people. As Talentis coaches, we know how to support people who want to develop their assertiveness.
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